Can you believe it is 2015? I remember when we were all so gung-ho about it being 1999! I will be the first to say that before becoming Mitchells’s Mommy—I PARTIED LIKE A ROCKSTAR! But I digress, here we are in this new millennium. We are in the 2000’s! Wow! Feels weird to even write that but we have been writing for 15 years so I better get used to it. Have things changed that much in the last 25 years? Let’s look and see what we get, shall we. Cars sure have changed, technology has exploded! Phones used to be on walls, desks and in booths but now they fit in pockets, run like mini computers and even have things on them called apps that help us with daily life. That’s a HUGE change! Clothing has really taken a turn for the worse, or the better depending on what you like to wear and dating…..well dating is worthy of several books but we do not have that much time or space so let’s get down to it, shall we? Let’s talk dating in 2015 vs. dating 25 years ago. Has it really changed that much? Let me give you some dating rules that have always been successful.
1. LET THE MAN HUNT. Men are wired to pursue. Women are wired to be pursued. When you mess with this, all kinds of wrong happens. Ladies, let him make the first move. We have all seen animals in the wild…they are made to hunt and men are no different. When you put dead meat in front of a carnivore they are more than likely to leave it where you dropped but throw something that is alive at them and watch them chase, kill and devour that prey. Men are the same, without the killing and devouring part. They NEED the hunt! You should desire the chase. I know it is 2015 and many ladies feel that the tables can be turned but truly they cannot! We are wired to be hunted. We like being pursued. We love waiting for calls (not too long) but the anticipation makes us long for more. It is a game of cat and mouse. When you change the rules and try to go against nature, things fall apart because we are NOT wired to pursue and men and not wired to be pursued. Try it and see what happens.
2. BE A WOMAN THAT HE WANTS This does not mean be a doormat and do exactly what he wants. This applies to him being visual. Men only HUNT WHAT THEY CAN SEE! Men are visual! Very visual! Pretend like he cannot hear or smell or feel anything but can only see. What would you present to him? I am not asking you to dress in lingerie and parade in front if him….really bad idea if you want to keep him. BAD, BAD idea! Show off your assets. If you have great legs, wear skirts and nice heels, if you have a great shape wear items of clothing that hug your form, but are not skin-tight. Smile, look at him intently, for goodness sake…wink at the man! Work at looking your best. He will ONLY hunt what appeals to him so you need to appeal to his senses. Be sure not to over do it. I cannot tell you how many guy friends have told me they have stopped dating girls that fuss too much over hair, nails and make-up. If this is you, don’t let him know it. Make him think you wake up like this…keep it clean and natural. AND SMILE LADIES! I meet one of my greatest boyfriends in a club about 20 years ago. He smiled at me and I smiled at him….he told me once, my smile is what got his attention, the smile and the outfit! Make him took twice so he wants to pursue. After you have his attention he can get to know how funny and charming you are but first you have to get his attention.
3. NEVER PAY! I am astonished and amazed how many ladies pay on dates...WHAT? I know it is 2015 but really…..what the hell are you doing?? Put your wallet back into your purse, especially if you want to see him again! Paying is part of his hunting. NO man will take you out if he cannot afford it! Period! IF HE ASKED, HE EXPECTS TO PAY! Let me just say pulling out your wallet is a good way to run him off. Paying is part of a man pursuing a woman. When you take away this, he NO LONGER WANTS TO HUNT! Look at it this way. He is putting his best foot forward and trying to impress you to get to the second date. This is also how a man can be affectionate without saying anything. If he asks what you want, puts no stipulations on the date……that is a good sign. I have several male friends and family members that have said, “if he asks, he is going to pay and he is interested, roll with it!” I have never paid for a date, EVER! If you have, please STOP now!
4. LET YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY BE THE JURY NOT THE JUDGE. What does this mean? Well, your friends and family should meet him especially if you are developing deep feelings for one another and this is looking to be leading toward a commitment. I suggest meeting your children as well. (That is another blog post). Your family and friends should weigh in on your new beau and be able to express their like or dislike of him. It is important to set the stage for the meeting. It is best to clearly set your boundaries and let your loved ones know that while you value their opinion, yours is ultimately the one that matters most. Time limits are HUGE! Too much too fast can be overwhelming. Be mindful of his comfort level. Remember, you like this guy! It is important to give each side the same information before they meet. If you are minimalist and just say, “I want you to meet my parents and my siblings.” well you should also tell your family the same thing. It seems to level the playing field. Having too much information can cause both sides to form an opinion before the meeting and that’s not how you want things to happen. Relax and have a great time!
5. NO SEX BEFORE MONOGOMY. Four words that should be self-explanatory! Intimacy and sex ARE very important in a relationship BUT ONLY when the time is right! While you and a date can be attracted to each other and desire to be with each other, you need to stop and think about a few things…..do you know this man well enough to give him something as precious as your body? What do you think will happen afterwards? Sex will not secure a relationship AND if it does, the relationship is not what you think. Let me tell you, until you are in a committed relationship and have spent time with this man getting to know him, you need to back off from the physical. Physical relationships cloud your normally good judgement, they make good sense take a back seat, they rule your feelings and takes you to a place of raw uncensored emotion, they stifle the ability to have an honest connection outside the bedroom. And guess what….even though you think a man will not wait…HE WILL. And those that will not wait ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.
I am not going to lie...DATING IS HARD. I wish there was a set of rules or instructions to follow that would guarantee the outcome you desire. Unfortunately there isn’t an App for this, nothing isset in stone nor is anything fool-proof. Please let good sense and mommy intuition guide you. Be mindful of the guys to run from and the one to run to. Consider your needs and the needs of your family before jumping into something. And when in doubt….WAIT!
However, If you are ready…ENJOY!
Tell me about a great first date
Tell me about a time when your date did not cut the mustard and how you let him down.